Aside

Welcome Back

Okay. So. We’re back at the start of a new year and new goals and new things to look forward to.

December was… hard. And not for any real good reason either. I’ve had an outpatient procedure done which I hope will help me and its spurred a two month trial of sorts to see if that will help in my goal to lose weight. Before you all get cranky with me, it wasn’t a weight loss procedure, it was a… hormonal one…

Weight wise, I’m back to where I was and I’m not quite happy about that. But given that I’ve had absolutely no luck losing weight with the implant but only succeeded in gaining weight, I think that with it removed I might be able to get better success?

I’m hopeful anyway. I’m planning on going back to Weight Watchers Meetings, rather then just doing it online. I’ll be tracking and exercising better and hopefully posting a lot more recipes as I’m cooking for only one now and on a stricter budget.

This is my New Years Resolution, not to lose weight (thought that is a hopeful side effect) but to get back into the method of Weight Watchers.

I am a miserable blogger

Seriously though. I pretty much suck at this. I’m not really sure why either. It’s not like I’m not a the computer every day for hours on end or anything.

But here we are again. Months later after no posts. I feel silly, but what can you do at this point.

Just to be clear, I’m so not making my original goal from last year. Which is okay, because I’m learning to go with the flow and understand not everything works out. Most of this is my own fault, which I do actually understand. I got thrown off the horse and never really got back up.

What happened to make me really come back to this was last week. In September I started a new job with my family’s company. And last week we opened a new plant and despite my best efforts I was in a few photos. I was able to look at the photos over the weekend and it brought me to a screeching halt. I didn’t look good.

Now that’s not to say I didn’t look cute. Because I had my make up on and nice clothes on, but I’m a little… larger than I used to be in photos. And that wasn’t a happy feeling for me to realize.

So, yesterday I made the decision. I was going to start making food to bring to the office for lunch and I’m going to be healthier about it. And this morning, I joined Weight Watchers again. Because it’s something I know works and I know I can keep up with when I put my mind to it.

I’m also coming back to doing this at least once every week, because I know that its a good thing for me to do and a place where I can vent and share like I might at a WW meeting (because I’m not paying for that on WW).

Because damn, I did not like looking at those photos of me.

me

In Which Teenagers Have More Self Control

And the two kids are 11 and 14 and super easy, I’m very lucky. But they both happen to be in the youth group that I work with, so we’re all giving something up for Lent and it’s been interesting since we’ve all given up something that requires will power. Carbs, sweets, swearing. You know. The normal stuff.

The 11 year old gave up swearing. I told  him he wasn’t old enough to be swearing that much. He said he swears two sometimes three times a day. I laughed and said good luck stopping.

Anyway. Last night I was taking them to their Uncles house for the weekend (I’m still dog sitting) and we stopped at Five Guys for dinner.

If you don’t know what Five Guys is, its a burger and fries joint and basically nothing else. They have some other things but really you go there for the burgers and fries.

I went to start eating the cheeseburger with onions that I had gotten when I hear “No! Stop!” I started and looked at the 14 year old. She was looking at me in horror. “You were going to eat the bun!”

Ugh. I was really hopping she wasn’t going to notice that.

But, I dutifully took the bun off, grabbed a fork and a knife and looked expectantly at the teenager and said “Happy?”

“You’d have been un happy later. And I’d have told the [youth leader] and then he would have given  you the disapproving look.”

I groaned.  She’s right. He would give me The Look and I’d have felt guilty and bad about life.

The meal continued with the 11 year old taking my bun and making a french fries sandwich (ew and by ew I mean I wanted the carbs) and I was told by the 11 year old that if I felt like eating carbs while they were at their uncles house I was to text him and he would talk me out of it.

Oh this is my life.

Having the two of them with me for the first week of Lent has been helpful, because they’re totally committed to helping me not eat carbs. Which is really sweet, I think by the time I leave on Tuesday I should be in the  “I’m really good not eating carbs” stage.

God willing…

Mini Goals, A Continuation

First, I wanted to say thank you to everyone who sent encouragement’s to me yesterday. It was really lovely to know that I wasn’t the only one in a funk with every thing and it was just really nice in general. So thank you.

I was so far in a funk that I even stopped taking my multi vitamins and other daily nutritional capsules that I’d been taking religiously since I started this. So instead of setting weight goals, I’m going to set mini goals for the next two weeks, because I think that not focusing on the whole picture for once might help me in getting this back on track.

These mini goals include:

  • taking multi vitamins and other capsules (once and twice a day where required)
  • stretching or walking for five minutes every hour (when appropriate)
  • thinking about the food before I pick it up
  • fewer sweet things should make their way into my shopping cart
  • drink more water, less alcohol
  • use the exercise machine at least three times a week (I’m starting small shut up)
  • Track food

Some of these, like the tracking and exercise, are long term mini goals, but I’m trying to change the culture of my life and to do that I’ve realized I can’t just will them to change. Otherwise I’d have willed off the weight ages ago and gotten a raise and found a man and had a baby.

Tragically, life doesn’t work that way. So, I’m re-starting (again) with mini goals and working forward from there.

not mine

not mine

C’est la vie.

So basically, I’m the worst

I’m sorry. I’ve been absolutely awful about keeping up with this blog recently.

Or actually keeping up with my diet and exercise plan. Which shouldn’t be an excuse for not posting here. I’ve just been intensely lazy recently and thats permeated my entire life, not just in my dieting life. I’ve literally give up all fucks.  (Please excuse all swears. I’m in a funk)

It’s embarrassing to admit, but there it is. I’ve just basically thrown everything – work, diet, exercise, personal interactions – up in the air and said fuck it.

Basically this has been my life for the last two weeks.

not my gif

not my gif

What caused this funk you might ask? Yes, well I’m asking myself the same thing. And when you’re in a funk as deep as mine is currently, it’s really hard to get the fuck out of it.

I’ve gained weight, I’ve done shit with tracking my food and I’ve literally given the finger to exercise. About the only decent thing I’ve done is watch the Olympics religiously. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve worked and done things, but its been minimal and under great duress. 

So please excuse me as I crawl my way out of this funk and attempt to re-establish my life in a way that won’t revolve around carbs, sugar or self pity. 

Image

Does tea count as water?

My new fav mug with one of my fav teas

My new fav mug with one of my fav teas

With the very excessive coldness that has surrounded me for the last month or so in New England the amount of tea and coffee I’ve been drinking has increased so as to keep my perpetually cold fingers warmer.

Basically what this means though, is that I’m not drinking quite as much water as I used to because I’m not feeling overly dehydrated.

This all of course got me thinking. Does my tea count as one of my 8 cups of water a day? I mean, it’s just flavored water, so why shouldn’t it? But both my coffee and tea are slightly more than that – they’re caffeinated and isn’t that kind of a diuretic?

Being a journalist, I naturally googled this. And what I found was pleasantly surprising! The answer is yes! The massive amounts of tea and coffee I drink do in fact count toward my water intake! Which is excellent as I have watched my pure water intake decrease over the last few weeks. I feel like I can’t be the only one this happens to in the cold months of winter.

That being said, I know that I should counter balance the caffeine in my tea and coffee with the pure water and drink that to stay hydrated, but omg its so cold!

So not my gif but amazingly accurate.

So not my gif but amazingly accurate.

So the problem is, for me at least, working in the pure water with my tea and coffee.

I’m so ready for winter to be over guys.

Well Count Me Frustrated

So I won my mini challenge, I tracked every day, but I gained three pounds. Which is immensely irritating as I exercised quite a lot this past week and thought I ate fairly well.

Though, if I’m being totally honest I wasn’t exactly on plan this week regardless of tracking, but I thought I’d eaten well enough for it not to matter as much as it did.

For sure, my family’s Super Bowl party didn’t help.

Part of our Super Bowl Spread

Part of our Super Bowl Spread

But honestly, I don’t think I ate badly this week. And when I did, I ate lighter the next few days. I’m just frustrated because this doesn’t seem to be working at the moment. I’m not losing but I’m exercising.

I’m at a loss of where to go from here, because I’m clearly doing something wrong. I donno. I mostly just want to go cry in a corner and not do anything.

The morning has barely started and I already want to crawl back into bed.