Mini Goals, A Continuation

First, I wanted to say thank you to everyone who sent encouragement’s to me yesterday. It was really lovely to know that I wasn’t the only one in a funk with every thing and it was just really nice in general. So thank you.

I was so far in a funk that I even stopped taking my multi vitamins and other daily nutritional capsules that I’d been taking religiously since I started this. So instead of setting weight goals, I’m going to set mini goals for the next two weeks, because I think that not focusing on the whole picture for once might help me in getting this back on track.

These mini goals include:

  • taking multi vitamins and other capsules (once and twice a day where required)
  • stretching or walking for five minutes every hour (when appropriate)
  • thinking about the food before I pick it up
  • fewer sweet things should make their way into my shopping cart
  • drink more water, less alcohol
  • use the exercise machine at least three times a week (I’m starting small shut up)
  • Track food

Some of these, like the tracking and exercise, are long term mini goals, but I’m trying to change the culture of my life and to do that I’ve realized I can’t just will them to change. Otherwise I’d have willed off the weight ages ago and gotten a raise and found a man and had a baby.

Tragically, life doesn’t work that way. So, I’m re-starting (again) with mini goals and working forward from there.

not mine

not mine

C’est la vie.

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So basically, I’m the worst

I’m sorry. I’ve been absolutely awful about keeping up with this blog recently.

Or actually keeping up with my diet and exercise plan. Which shouldn’t be an excuse for not posting here. I’ve just been intensely lazy recently and thats permeated my entire life, not just in my dieting life. I’ve literally give up all fucks.  (Please excuse all swears. I’m in a funk)

It’s embarrassing to admit, but there it is. I’ve just basically thrown everything – work, diet, exercise, personal interactions – up in the air and said fuck it.

Basically this has been my life for the last two weeks.

not my gif

not my gif

What caused this funk you might ask? Yes, well I’m asking myself the same thing. And when you’re in a funk as deep as mine is currently, it’s really hard to get the fuck out of it.

I’ve gained weight, I’ve done shit with tracking my food and I’ve literally given the finger to exercise. About the only decent thing I’ve done is watch the Olympics religiously. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve worked and done things, but its been minimal and under great duress. 

So please excuse me as I crawl my way out of this funk and attempt to re-establish my life in a way that won’t revolve around carbs, sugar or self pity. 

Image

Does tea count as water?

My new fav mug with one of my fav teas

My new fav mug with one of my fav teas

With the very excessive coldness that has surrounded me for the last month or so in New England the amount of tea and coffee I’ve been drinking has increased so as to keep my perpetually cold fingers warmer.

Basically what this means though, is that I’m not drinking quite as much water as I used to because I’m not feeling overly dehydrated.

This all of course got me thinking. Does my tea count as one of my 8 cups of water a day? I mean, it’s just flavored water, so why shouldn’t it? But both my coffee and tea are slightly more than that – they’re caffeinated and isn’t that kind of a diuretic?

Being a journalist, I naturally googled this. And what I found was pleasantly surprising! The answer is yes! The massive amounts of tea and coffee I drink do in fact count toward my water intake! Which is excellent as I have watched my pure water intake decrease over the last few weeks. I feel like I can’t be the only one this happens to in the cold months of winter.

That being said, I know that I should counter balance the caffeine in my tea and coffee with the pure water and drink that to stay hydrated, but omg its so cold!

So not my gif but amazingly accurate.

So not my gif but amazingly accurate.

So the problem is, for me at least, working in the pure water with my tea and coffee.

I’m so ready for winter to be over guys.

I hate today

It’s just past 10 a.m. and I already  hate today for several reasons:

  • the weather is beyond gross
  • I gained a pound
  • I’m at a mandatory company meeting
  • traffic was miserable
  • the exercise I did this morning has left me extremely sore

and

  • I GAINED ANOTHER EFFING POUND
Via tim-karan.com/

Via tim-karan.com/

I hate today so much already and I’m not sure how it’s going to get much better.

I can only come up with things that aren’t going to make today happy.

My company tends to get pizza or fat/carb heavy sandwiches for lunch at meetings and given that I’ve gained a pound this week, I’m pretty sure that pizza is not in my best interests.

This is a problem for me. I hate the whole time of being at my company’s main office, because it inevitably turns into a time of binge eating for me later in the day. I’m not happy being at this office because generally, bad things are announced at this office and nothing has been said today that changes that for me.

I exercised this morning and it was only 25 minutes, but I may have over done it because my arms and legs simply do not want to function for me. So movement is weird and stilted.

But then on top of that I had to sit in an hour and a half worth of traffic to get to the stupid meeting. Because for some reason people forget how to drive in the rain, not to mention it was the left over rush hour traffic.

On top of everything else, I’m really not sure how I gained a pound. I was being really good last week, or at least I thought I had been. So its just irritating to get on a scale in the morning and find out that I’ve gained a pound.

I’m frustrated and tired and amazingly annoyed with my life at the moment and I’m not feeling like I’m doing well in any version of my life – personal, work and weight loss.

It’s exhausting to me and I’m just having a hard time of it.

But it’s a new week and a new move forward, so here’s hoping.

Eating Mindfully, The Struggle

I mindfully know what I eat all the time. You know, except when I’m binge snacking or watching TV eating breakfast/lunch/dinner. Or you know when I’m ‘hungry’ and I graze in front of the refrigerator for 5 or so minutes.

I’m mindful that I’m putting stuff into my body in the way that I’m not 100% I actually know what I’m putting into my mouth kind of way. Which, in all honesty, is not the best thing in the world.

Part of my goal this year is to begin to think more about what I’m putting into my body, and I’m planning on accomplishing that by paying more attention. The problem is mostly that I’m not paying attention, not really. I know what I’m eating, but how am I eating it? Am I just shoveling it on in there with barely room for a breath? Or am I just popping it on in there without thinking?

I do the latter with pomegranates. Which aren’t bad for you. At least not in moderation. I tend to sit there, after I’ve opened and gotten every last pip out, and just eat them like one would eat popcorn. In ones and twos as well as whole handfuls. I eat them while I’m working, watching TV or talking with  people. It’s unattractive and I’m not really enjoying the pomegranate.

So yes. My goal is to really enjoy the food I’m eating. To slow down and pay attention to how I eat.

eating mindfully cover I picked up this book a few years ago and read it cover to cover when I first got it. At that moment in my life I was really into Buddhism and meditation and yoga (all of which I still enjoy, but not quite as intensely) and mindful eating was a huge thing with my teachers. Particularly for me.

Yes, even my Buddhism teacher judged me on my weight. It was a glorious thing to realize.

Even so, I picked up this book and read it and it really did help. I thought more about what I was doing (for a while) and I didn’t just shove food into my mouth with out waiting to breath. I took time eating and I really thought about it.

One day my teacher took the class out to dinner and we were told that the meal would be silent after we ordered our food and drinks and that this was an exercise in silence and in mindful eating. It was an interesting experience, perhaps not one I’d do again, but then I’m generally a chatty person. But I really did focus on taking one bite putting my fork down and waiting till I’d chewed before cutting a next bite.

I’m writing about this because its something I honestly think will help with my weight loss battle, but could also prove useful to others. Our society is as food driven as it is skinny driven and having all that rich food and take out and pizza generally doesn’t help us in the skinny department.

So my goal this week, in this week of holiday eating and revelry, is to slowly consume the delicious foods that will be put in front of me. To enjoy them and the company while remembering that food isn’t a race (unless you eat competitively in which case mindful eating really isn’t for you).

And thus continues the battle. Especially this week. Good luck all!