I’m so ashamed

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I can’t even. Except to laugh about it. I don’t even know what happened with yesterday. It’s unbelievable honestly. I came home and tracked it all and just had to laugh.

My mother was helpful and laughed with me even while giving me the “wtf were you even thinking of?!” look that all mothers have perfected. And we laughed as I told her the crazy of my food day.

To be fair, it was kind of a crying laugh, but still. I’m just overwhelmed at how ridiculous this is.

For whatever reason my sweet tooth kept hounding me and I had no will power today to fight it. I’m seriously ashamed of myself. Especially after saying that I’d be better this week.

So in punishment I got myself up early and went on the machine this morning so that I could at least pretend that I did something good about it.

But oh my god. I had a slice of pound cake at lunch. And then I had a hot chocolate (small with no whipped cream I didn’t go overboard people) and then a glazed chocolate donut.

I’m shocked and disappointed with myself for even eating like that yesterday but proud that I tracked it and took responsibility for my actions.

Seriously though. I’m eating salad for the next six days for at least two meals a day.

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Weekly Weigh In: I Done Bad

I gained two pounds this week. Which is not great. Clearly. And a disappointment because I basically took back the weight I lost.

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I know that a lot of it has to do with my weekend and what I did over the course of it.

I also know that I wasn’t the greatest at tracking (because I didn’t track anything past Friday afternoon) nor did I really exercise all that well. This is ignoring the walking around I did on Saturday as I explored my college campus during Homecoming (I got a whole 7 activity points for that day). That doesn’t however, excuse the pretzel and four beers I had on campus and then the four more I had at my friend’s house and the three pieces of pizza.

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“The Great Pumpkin” beer on tap at my friends house!

Now, because I know my friend reads this I’m going to say this mostly for her benefit: My eating and drinking was in no way her fault. I know that I have a problem when it comes to stopping myself from eating pizza or drinking beer when I’m in a social setting like I was. It’s just something I need to become more aware of and refrain from doing.

Staying up until 1 a.m. did not help the situation at all. We all figured that somehow, we had gotten old and needed regular a bedtime of more reasonable hours like… 10 or maybe 10:30 if we want to be rebels about the whole thing.

I rued the day, being as I would say ‘delicate’ on Sunday. Feeling not at all well, but having to drive back from Pennsylvania and somehow survive the trip was something I didn’t want to even consider. But I’d promised my grandparents that I’d go up and visit them on the trip home.

(It helped that my grandmother was like I have furniture you can take.  And bookshelves! So in an effort to save money I went to the house to snag furniture)

But, what this resulted in was my grandfather, who I love and adore, buying what is quite possibly my favorite sandwich in the whole freaking world. IMG_3260

I am aware that it doesn’t look like much. But let me explain to you this sandwich. It is called a Sloppy Joe and this type of Joe you can only get in New Jersey. It’s three slices of thin sliced rye bread, turkey (although you can get other meats as well), provolone cheese, coleslaw and Russian dressing. It’s sliced into three sections and it is my perfect sandwich.

Were I to ever require a last meal this is probably up there with what I would get.

That said, I guessed on how much of everything is in that sandwich and it goes for a whopping 22 points. This is not a sandwich you eat regularly or if you do then you’re exercising way more than I do.

I had planned on only eating half of it and bringing the rest home for later devouring but I wound up eating the whole thing. I have, apparently, no self-control.

To make everything worse, I had youth group last night and we (somehow) decided to walk to Dunkin Donuts for cocoa. And while I wasn’t paying attention I was ordered a medium cocoa with whipped cream rather than the small decaf coffee I would have ordered had I been in my right faculties.

I didn’t have much else to eat last night.

Oh, and we’re not even going to talk about the meal I had on Friday night. We just can’t even touch that one. (Not that it was bad. Because it was SO SO good.)

In the weekly update when you weigh in, it says that its only one week and to try to figure out what happened last week.

I think its very clear that I know exactly what happened last week. And I know that to fix it I should pay much more attention to my weekend eating and add exercise in to my routine. So that it my goal this week. To have at least one proper exercise and to be better at the weekend.

Yesterday Was… Not Good

In one of my desk drawers I have Snacks. Now, these are actually mostly protein bars and healthy snacks, but yesterday there were cookies and crackers. And for some reason, yesterday I felt like eating them all.

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Yeah. Thats right. I ate them. BUT I TRACKED THEM.

Which is huge for me. I’m one of those annoying people who maybe sometimes forgets to track things like cookies. But I tracked them all  yesterday and I’m very proud of myself for that. But all that carb snacking put me at around 6 points for dinner.

And then I got home and ate cheese and bread for dinner after insisting I wasn’t hungry because I’d eaten too many carbs that day.

Ultimately, I broke into my Weekly Points Plus allowance and am now challenged to keep it at 36 until the weekend because its beer o’clock and homecoming. Plus a potential trip to my absolute favorite deli in the whole wide world on Sunday to get what might just be my absolute favorite sandwich.

I’ll post a picture if I get it on Sunday… Its so not healthy.

Aside from that rather depressing situation, I got my WW ActiveLink working again. It’s all set up so that I can wear it every day and not worry about getting a new activity monitor. Plus, the ActiveLink connects straight to my  Weight Watchers account and I don’t have to convert the activity because they do it for me! So yay for being lazy!

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For now, it’s “evaluating” me for activity. I wore it while sleeping, and apparently it now gives me sleep measurements? So that was cool. I’ll see how it goes but apparently I don’t toss and turn as much as I thought I did. But that could have been an anomaly.

Regardless, I’ll have to start planning exercise now…. Which as we know from the past, I really don’t like.

Weekly Weigh In: Reflections

So yay! Another pound gone. It’s a great feeling and I’m pretty pleased with it. Particularly given that I have, yet again, had another fairly off plan weekend.

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For the most part, last week I was really good. I ate all on plan and was really good at tracking everything. And then it was Friday.

Friday, my nemesis. Inevitably it means that I cease paying attention to what I’m eating and lose focus on the plan. Curse  you Friday for being both the end of my work week and the temporary end of my weight loss focus.

This past weekend was, as the weekend before, a lot of fun. I met up with Bestie and we spent Saturday planning our NaNoWriMo and then going to our favorite quasi-Mexican restaurant and had a rather large pitcher of Sangria to share between the two of us. Apparently, Sangria won’t really kill me point wise, I figured I had about 4 4-oz glasses, which is around 13 points. So I can’t really complain about that.

But it was the tacos that did me in. I didn’t even track that. Nor did I track the fro-yo we had later or the procescco we had while watching Doctor Who.

Sunday day wasn’t a whole lot better. I made almond milk french toast with some left over bread. I then at lunch had a pb&j on Arnolds sandwich thins and fruit, all in all it wasn’t that bad. Until Dinner.

My family, if I haven’t mentioned this in the past, is a pizza family. My sister enjoys pointing that out to us. We like to make pizza at home to the point where we have two pizza stones for the oven and one for the charcoal grill outside.

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This is a pizza we made on the grill last summer, but it’s fairly representative of our usual pizza events.

Last night, my brother made pizza. And it was so freaking good. He and my father are our pizza gurus and make it all for my mom, sister and I.

When we were younger we had huge pizza parties, where my dad would make pizza for the friends of us kids and it would be a huge thing. Now it’s calmed down to generally just the five of us, but this is something we’ve been doing for years. We’ve kind of gotten it down to a science.

So needless to say, I’m pretty pleased I actually lost a pound after this past weekend.

On WeighWatchers.com I created a challenge group, called Pre-Holiday Kick Off, where I’m challenging myself (and others) to lose 10 pounds by November 26. It’s a challenge for sure, but I think that if I really pay attention to it and get better at not over doing it over the weekend, I can make it work.

That said, I know that the next few weeks are going to be weekend heavy, so I need to start planning on how to handle that. This coming weekend is my college’s homecoming. Which I’m really excited about cause I’ll get to see a lot of people, but means that it’s a beer heavy weekend and more dense foods.

But, it’s a 3+ hour drive there and back so I’m pretty sure that will keep me from drinking too heavily, particularly because I’ll be driving during the day from the college to my friend’s house.

I might get back into wearing my Active Link this week see how that goes. It’s a $5 monthly charge, but given that I already own it and its a decent way to keep me active I might as well start using it again. Plus, it puts the activity points direct into my WW account and means I don’t have to calculate stuff like that.

So, that’s the end of last week and some plans for this. Here’s hoping it’s a nicer number next week.

Why I Should Not Watch Food TV

I really shouldn’t be allowed to watch channels like Food Network or The Cooking Channel, pretty much ever.

It is possibly the worst thing I could do to myself. Because inevitably what happens is that I watch these people talk about or make these extremely decadent meals of oils, butters, carbs and high fat that I just simply cannot, and should not eat.

And this goes not only for channels that have people make food on them. Oh no. I’m talking the History Channel and their shows like ‘where food comes from’ or ‘Americas favorite eats’ or the Travel Channel with Anthony Bourdain and Andrew Zimmern. I’m talking Destination America with their stupidly wonderful BBQ Pitmasters and Deep Fried glory. I mean seriously. These shows make me want to eat and cook and then eat more. Or worse, go out and find the things and places they’re talking about and eat it there, and spending gads of money in the process.

So then why do I watch it you ask? Because it’s good TV and technically better than most any other kind of reality TV shows that I could watch.

Do I want to listed to Ina Garten talk about Jeffery and how much he’ll love the food she’s making all the time? No. No I do not. But, she makes really good food so yeah, sometimes I’ll suck it up and watch her make a mustard baked chicken with creamy cheesy grits (I just watched an episode. Can you tell?) and baked crisp kale because she makes good food. Full of fat, but good food.

But then there is the ‘how its made’ type of shows. Do I really want to know how a Hersey’s chocolate bar is made? Probably not. But is it damn cool to watch the chocolate pour out of vats into molds? Damn straight it is.

Even if it then prompts me to go out and get a chocolate bar? Then no, its probably not worth watching it.

My problem is that these shows, while really entertaining, tend to make me want the fatty and high carb meals that they’re showing. Or the sweets that are being made at the factories.

All that said, I love these shows. Because they’re fun and interesting so I want to watch them. It helps when its people like Jamie Oliver who makes healthy high veg and protein meals, but its still fun to watch.

I just need to find the balance between watching the shows and then not going out to get the food that is on them or making that food on my own.

Does anyone else have this problem? Sometimes I feel like I have weird problems that make sense to no one else.

At Some Point I Will Get Bored With Chicken Sandwiches

But that day has not yet come.

I’ve consistently had my 7 WWpoint chicken sandwich on Arnolds sandwich thins (3 WWPP) for the last week and a half for lunch. And I am not yet tired of it.

Not only is it a pretty decent sandwich, but it has the added benefit of not costing me a lot of money. Which at this point, as I save money for furniture and other apartment necessities, is key.

So I now bring lunch to work. Which seems odd, because it’s like being back in school. Like Elementary school. When I had lunch boxes and stuff. I have this nice little black soft lunch box from Dean and Delucca (my dad got it for me ages ago with a whole thing okay?) and I fill it with my sandwich, some crunchy things, fruit and some WW approved Whitman’s chocolates just in case I’m feeling indulgent.

Mostly though, I’m just happy to be saving money. On average the sandwich costs me $2 and as a whole the lunch costs around $5 all in. And this is for a weekly shop.

I’m learning to be more frugal with my money and to budget more wisely. Which, I’ll admit a new thing for me. I’ve never been very good at saving, always much better at spending, so being put on a tight budget for at least the next 12 months, is going to be really new for me.

Part of the problem I face is that I’ve always been one to spend lavishly on food. I’m one of those people who would rather have no food than to have bad food. So I always go for the good food. And that generally costs more. I learned this past month, that I spend more money on food than I do practically anything else.

I don’t mind going to the grocery store and I prefer to have fresh food and and empty fridge than to just buy all my food for one period of time and fill my fridge.

And given that budgeting has never been my strong point in the past, all this is just really hard for me to handle right now. That said, I’ve got a new bookkeeping app to help me keep track of my spending and to make sure that I’m not over spending. It’ll be a new habit for me, keeping track of what I spend and such.

This is probably why the chicken sandwich hasn’t gotten boring yet.

A Tiny Loss, But A Great Weekend

I know what you’ll all say. There is no such thing as a tiny loss, only tiny thinking. Or something along those lines.

Regardless, I lost 1 pound this past week. I’m sure, actually, that its more, but I maybe didn’t exactly weigh myself last Monday when I started…

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I just guestimated at a starting weight of 250. So I’m just happy to have moved down below that.

That said, I was really good last week! I had planned lunches every day that I brought to work with lots of fruits and pre-packaged carbs and a sandwich that I had put together on those Arnolds Sandwich Thins (WW 3). I didn’t have a lot of sweets and I really tracked well.

Until Friday. Friday I went off the rails and had a lot of polenta for dinner and then ate too many of the WW candies and then decided it was going to be a brilliant idea to put nutella on two pieces of toast. Whole Grain Toast, but toast all the same. Plus, you remember that Morning Cake? I ate the Morning Cake.

And then Saturday. Oh Saturday. Let me share with you. I went into NYC for the day to hang out with some friends. And I ended up making a pb&j for breakfast (which I didn’t track) and then pretty much nothing else until lunch. Which we ate at like 3 p.m.

Let me share this lunch with you. We went to a very small restaurant called Rubirosa on Mulberry St. And holy God that meal was a religious experience.

We started with arrancini, or fried balls of risotto. And wine. The wine was key. (Over the course of the meal, we all had two glasses of their house red and it was fantastic.)

After that we had pasta dishes. Here is a photo of mine

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This beauty is their Spaghetti a la Carbonara with a poached egg and pancetta. HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. That was amazing. I just didn’t even think about this points when I was eating this. I just devoured it. Because it was so freaking good.

Naturally, nothing could complete this meal like dessert.

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OH yeah. I went with cannoli. And let me tell you something. I devoured all three of those and I feel no guilt at all. None. Because they were wonderful.

This whole meal was so worth the price tag (I can’t even) and I had such a great time catching up with my friends so I honestly feel like it was totally well worth it.

Then Sunday. Which honestly wasn’t so bad. I didn’t really do too much that was bad, except dinner. Where I had pizza.

In all, it was worth only loosing 1 pound because I got to spend time with my friends. Although, I probably should have just been stronger on Friday night and Sunday night…

But! I still lost, and every week is a new week so hopefully this week will be better.

Today we’re going to Ikea to shop for my apartment that I’m moving into in November. So I’m thinking maybe not the Swedish Meatballs?