A Planned New Year’s Eve

via washingtonlife.com

via washingtonlife.com

A most happy New Year’s Eve to everyone!! I hope you’re all planning on having a lovely day and an even more lovely night with your loved ones at midnight!

Today, I’m working till about 3 p.m. and then I’m going to figure out how to celebrate with food and champagne without over doing it on the points!

I’m pretty sure it’s going to be just me and my brother, so I can cook pretty much anything, but in light of my recent uber gain, I’m going to cut back on the fatty foods and keep it light on the carbs. So I’ve been trying to plan this out since last night and I’m not sure I’ve gotten anywhere yet. I might end up going to Whole Foods and getting some pre-prepped fist cutlets and having that as my main with some veg on the side. Then I can save my points for the bottle of champagne I plan to drink by myself.

Either way the plan is to be good about my foods. I had a salad yesterday that was 15 points! Mainly because of the cheese and the almonds! Clearly those need to be taken out of the salad to make it better for me to eat. Or at least better point wise. Because it was really good!

So basically what I’m trying to say is that I’m going to be better about planning my days out and not just binging on foods.

Like yesterday I planned my day, including dinner, at about noon and realized I had about 9 points to spend on extra stuff, which included a Weight Watchers chocolate shake (which I need more of) and I made individual chocolate puddings for the next few days, which are only 2 points each.

But yes. I’m planning out now. At least I’m trying to.

Happy New Year to that!


Not a great weigh in…

I should have expected this, I really should have, and I did to a point, but I gained three pounds over the last week. I’m not entirely shocked by this, but I was still hoping for a lower number.

I did not track or eat very well last week. So, like I said. I’m not surprised I gained at all I just hate it. I was hoping that it wouldn’t be so bad.

Now I’m just whinging and its not attractive. I just need to get back on plan and on tracking. It’s a new day and I can’t look back at the food I ate and complain about it. I ate it and I gained. I now need to move on and take back control of the food and eating.

not my photo

not my photo


‘Good’ Food vs. ‘Good For You’ Food

When I was typing up my post about Christmas dinner I realized that I kept typing ‘good’ and then I would change to it ‘high fat’ or ‘high calorie’. This is sad to me. When did ‘good’ food become food that we associate with high fat and calories?

home made pizza

Dad made this pizza over the summer. Excellent product as he would say!

If I’m being honest, when I talk about ‘good’ food it is  food that was cooked in real butter or with heavy cream and cheese or high fat content meats. Which seems strange to me because I’ve definitely cooked and had great

meals where the food wasn’t covered in butter or a cream sauce and wasn’t perfectly marbled steak.

So when did vegetables and lighter meals become meals that are ‘just fine’?

I worry about shit like this now that I’m really focusing on writing this blog and being better at keeping up with my tracking and weight loss. This is this the stuff that I think about.

This is a problem for me I think. I’ve got to start thinking other ways. I have to reconstruct my  way of thinking about food so that I can move forward in my weight loss goals.

When did that happen? When did foods that are bad for us become the good foods? Is this just an American thing? No. I’ve lived abroad and the same thing happens there – perhaps not to the same extent (we are the fattest country in the world) but those fried foods and beer and carbo-loaded foods are present there and are the ‘good’ foods there too. I’m not sure this past week has been really good for me – my friend convinced me to stay over for her birthday dinner which was deep fried chicken fingers and cookies and trifle and beer and my step-grandmother took my family out to Chinese. All of which are meals I would consider to be ‘good’. But they’re deep fried, cooked in heavy cream sauces have loads of carbs and are generally ‘bad for you’ foods.

How do we then change our thought process? Can we change our thoughts? Deep frying things has become

Found these excellent heirlooms! So good! I don’t even like tomatoes…

and art form for some people. I mean, come on, there is a TV show called “Deep Fried Masters”.

So those are the ‘good’ foods. But what about the ‘good for you’ foods – the lean meats and fish and vegetables and whole grains. Why aren’t these ‘good’ foods?

I mean we eat things like carrots in public and inevitably have to justify them to someone who wonders why we aren’t eating a normal snack food. We have to say ‘oh we’re trying to be healthy’ or ‘I just like carrots okay?’

How did that even happen? It boggles my mind honestly.

But on the opposite side, we also have to justify why we’re eating the ‘bad’ snacks. So it’s a double edged sword.

Either way we have to justify our food choices, which is exhausting and not healthy for us.

I’ve gone off topic a bit… sorry.

In all honesty though. How do we move forward in our weight loss if we can’t distinguish the difference between ‘good’ food and ‘good for you’ food. And where do we go if we have to justify our choices in either direction? I’m tired of it.

Can food just be good and bad? Apparently not according to society, thanks society.

Eating Mindfully, The Struggle

I mindfully know what I eat all the time. You know, except when I’m binge snacking or watching TV eating breakfast/lunch/dinner. Or you know when I’m ‘hungry’ and I graze in front of the refrigerator for 5 or so minutes.

I’m mindful that I’m putting stuff into my body in the way that I’m not 100% I actually know what I’m putting into my mouth kind of way. Which, in all honesty, is not the best thing in the world.

Part of my goal this year is to begin to think more about what I’m putting into my body, and I’m planning on accomplishing that by paying more attention. The problem is mostly that I’m not paying attention, not really. I know what I’m eating, but how am I eating it? Am I just shoveling it on in there with barely room for a breath? Or am I just popping it on in there without thinking?

I do the latter with pomegranates. Which aren’t bad for you. At least not in moderation. I tend to sit there, after I’ve opened and gotten every last pip out, and just eat them like one would eat popcorn. In ones and twos as well as whole handfuls. I eat them while I’m working, watching TV or talking with  people. It’s unattractive and I’m not really enjoying the pomegranate.

So yes. My goal is to really enjoy the food I’m eating. To slow down and pay attention to how I eat.

eating mindfully cover I picked up this book a few years ago and read it cover to cover when I first got it. At that moment in my life I was really into Buddhism and meditation and yoga (all of which I still enjoy, but not quite as intensely) and mindful eating was a huge thing with my teachers. Particularly for me.

Yes, even my Buddhism teacher judged me on my weight. It was a glorious thing to realize.

Even so, I picked up this book and read it and it really did help. I thought more about what I was doing (for a while) and I didn’t just shove food into my mouth with out waiting to breath. I took time eating and I really thought about it.

One day my teacher took the class out to dinner and we were told that the meal would be silent after we ordered our food and drinks and that this was an exercise in silence and in mindful eating. It was an interesting experience, perhaps not one I’d do again, but then I’m generally a chatty person. But I really did focus on taking one bite putting my fork down and waiting till I’d chewed before cutting a next bite.

I’m writing about this because its something I honestly think will help with my weight loss battle, but could also prove useful to others. Our society is as food driven as it is skinny driven and having all that rich food and take out and pizza generally doesn’t help us in the skinny department.

So my goal this week, in this week of holiday eating and revelry, is to slowly consume the delicious foods that will be put in front of me. To enjoy them and the company while remembering that food isn’t a race (unless you eat competitively in which case mindful eating really isn’t for you).

And thus continues the battle. Especially this week. Good luck all!

Not going to argue with good food

I was going to start this post with the ‘Lets not talk about what I ate for dinner’ but apparently I did  something right because I lost another pound between the fast and  my weigh in day.

We can still continue with the ‘lets not talk about what I ate for Christmas Dinner’, but it’s moderately useless, because it was SOOO GOOD!

I’ve decided not to punish myself for eating good food. It’s destructive and isn’t good for me. So, I’m simply going to look back at my epic meals (both Sunday and Christmas) and say thank you to the chefs and creators of the three amazing meals I’ve had this past week.


Scalloped Potatoes in cast iron skillet.

There is honestly no good way of avoiding eating the food and no good way to describe how fantastic they were. And for me to be able to take a step back, appreciate the good food and NOT feel guilty about having eaten it, is huge.

It used to be that I would eat a wonderful dinner (with calories) and then feel guilty because it wasn’t on plan (because it so wasn’t) and that I barely paid any attention to portion sizes (because I so didn’t). But I can’t do that anymore.

It’s destructive, like I said before.

Because lets be honest. We generally don’t think about our diets at the holidays and then when the gifts are opened, the meals eaten and cookies gone, we all feel guilty about having indulged. And that guilt drives us to eat more bad food and continue spiraling out of control until months later we realize that we’ve eaten our guilty feelings and are way worse off from when we originally started the diet.

At least thats how I feel.


Traditional popovers and butternut squash.

So I’m starting the revolutionary idea that I can indulge in super fatty, high calorie and generally ‘bad for you’ foods, just so long as I don’t consume the regret for those meals in my future dealings with food.

Denial of food isn’t healthy, you’re not going to get anywhere with dieting if you’re just denying yourself. But have one cookie? Sure,  just don’t eat the plate.

This is my new philosophy that I hope will cary over into the New Year with this plan.

Of course, I’m saying this now after three ridiculously heavy meals that I’m not doing anything to work off. And adding exercise into my routine is also going to start happening soon. Motivation for that part is slow goings tho.

But, ultimately, I’m hoping this new philosophy on not feeling that overwhelming guilt the next day after a particularly large or high calorie meal, won’t take over my life.

I’m writing this really trying to not feel that guilt. Because I shouldn’t have it. There is no shame in eating a high fat meal as long as it isn’t every day.

At least that’s what I keep telling myself.

Merry Christmas!!


I wanted to take the time to thank everyone who has followed me and liked my posts. I’m so honored that you’re choosing to read my pithy posts and are supporting me in this journey that is weight loss.

Christmas is a hard time for people and weight loss because of the rich food and sweets being passed around, so it’s important to have the support.

So, Happy Christmas to all! I hope you have a wonderful day with friends, family and loved ones.

Love to you all,

Can I gush for a moment?

Oh good. Now before I start I do not work for Weight Watchers, nor am I being paid by them to say this stuff. I’m not even a very good member, I don’t go to weekly meetings and as it’s been stated several times in this blog, I don’t track well.

opening screen, wwBut omg the new updated app is moderately fantastic. I love it so much. I don’t know when it updated like this and I don’t really care because  I’m just so happy it did update!

When the app opens it says, “Oh, hello again” which I couldn’t get a screen shot of because it was too fast, so I can’t share that lovely bit with you.

But honestly, it  just looks so much cleaner and stream lined. I kinda squeed when I opened it last week.

It was decent before, but this is just so much better. It’s easier to use and to add things into the tracker. AND now I don’t  have to have a separate app for the scanner feature. It’s right there in the regular app!

It makes me so happy.

Plus the tracker is just simpler to use now. I’ve clearly decided to not use the Lose It! app the way I thought I the ww trackerwas going to, given that I’ve used it once and haven’t looked at it since.

So, I’m sticking with Weight Watchers. Maybe its just because I’m familiar with it or something, but I generally like the way Weight Watchers does things. I like that fresh fruits and vegetables don’t ‘cost’ any points and that I can eat pretty much all of them with out feeling guilty for it.

I know that going to the meetings is supposed to be better than going it alone, but I’m honestly not in the position to pay for that right now. It costs $40 a month to go to the meetings and get access to the online/app stuff, where as I’m paying $19 a month just for the online stuff.

It’s cheaper and I’m hoping that, along with the blog, I’ll be good at keeping on program.

Of course, I’d be doing better if I started tracking religiously wouldn’t I? And you know… exercising…